Sunday, November 26, 2006

Yuki to Ame

Fond memories and expriences tend to link with rain and snow... i dont know why but my very cherished memories have to do with rain or snow....

Yesturday i went to Hiroyuki's Farewell party. To my surprize i acutally knew a few people there. for the first bit i was mostly just talking to girls. later on Hiro came around and talked to me a bit. He brought me to his room where he huged me. i started to cry. he calmed me down and eventually we sat down and talked.

He told me he loved me. I told him though weve known each other for only a week we only saw each other 3x including the first day we met. then he told me that he fell in love with me at first sight. obviosly a logical "red flag" stuck up. but i looked into his eyes and nothing could have been more sincere.. then i told him that there isnt enough time... you will be leaving and i wont be going to japan for 6yrs. he told me he will wait for me. As much as that soulds sweet again logical mind says thats unreasonable... but he was sincere. It made me very sad.... because i really like him too. but.. its cruel to keep him but its sad to let him go.. yet.... it appeared as much as i tried to let him go he was willing to give soo much with out any garentee of having anything in return.....

"I love you, ill never forget you... i will wait for you it doesnt matter your decision ill wait for you" made me cry again.. "aww... dont cry.... your smile is the most beautiful thing.. please smile for me" it took me awhile to pull myself together again [5tissues later]i explained to him that i was very confused cuz on one hand i want to keep him but on another hand i know how i move on quickly... but that was the same thing that i thought when harry and i broke up.. its nothing ill move on... it took me a year to do so.. then again.. the time is shorter, and the length of time apart is longer... and.. yea... with all this thought out now... i think i will move on.. but when i see his face i really felt such a strong connection.. almost as if i can acutally see me staying with him in the future...

I then went on to tell my story of my last bf [yes i know its not good to talk about ur ex but this was realivent] and why i feel the way i do. After a long talk he walked me to 98bline to catch the last bus.. i missed it.. T_Tl; so walking back in the wet snow, i stayed at his house. I was very hungery and i cooked him and myself some eggs. he really liked it. 2 other girls along with shogo were there too. It was about 4am when we went to bed.

there was a bed and a mattress on the floor. we slept separately.. but there was only one blanket. so we draped it over both of us but with the height differnce between the bed and mattress on the floor it was quite separeted. I couldnt sleep. I felt hot when the blanket was on me, cold when it wasnt. i felt light headed and hiro gave me some pills. i felt better after that. but of course medicine usaully takes about 30mins to kick in meanwhile i layed my head on his lap and slept. lol.. i wonder how unconfortable it was for him to sleep like that his leg must have been loosing circulation 0-Ol

the next morning i took a shower put on makeup and then watched a bit of live action deathnote on shogos computer and hiro made breakfast/lunch. afterwards he then walked me to skytrain. it was snowing. This next scene reminded me a bit like nana but less dramatic. when we lined up for the 98bline we got on and then he steped off last minute. As the bus drove i watched him as i waved goodbye.

i looked out the window and starred at teh falling snow...

[conclusion: as much as i felt like he was like the one.. i shall have to wait for mr right that comes at the right time... maybe ill let hiro go after i recive his first tegami from japan... hopfully it will make it easier for him to let me go for his own good. I know this is a bit chessy,,,, but these are my real thoughts and i can tell the difference between fraud and sincerity.. and everything he said he said wiht his heart.. which is why this short lived love story has a sad ending... just like the last... rain and snow.. the formula for cherished memories..]

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